My Beloved Son

Monday, April 12, 2010

I am not alone anymore....for the past seven weeks I felt like I was the only mom on earth going through what I am going through...until tonight. Upon the good advice and prompting of another mom who lost a child...I joined a support awkwardness for me...none at all...acceptance others whose losses equate to mine...and we all had to tell "our" story or pass...but no one passed...seemed like we all had the courage to tell our sad stories...and when I told mine, a pretty Hispanic lady sitting next to me held my hand and cried...and then it was her turn...she lost her beautiful 7 yr. old son from a fall from an attic window last year...and the next lady lost a son to suicide...all tragic and all NEVER want to forget their loved one...and the purpose of us being remember them always. And one by one the rest of the group went on telling of how there son or daughter passed... I picked a picture of Adam that I felt was perfect...he and Maggie smiling brightly...such a happy day it seemed...and that picture hung on the memory board in front of the others could see my Adam...and I also brought along the picture of Adam and I from Christmas...another joyous shot...and I know I was HAPPY on that heart was racing as the leader asked me to light a candle and say a reading in front of forty one who ALWAYS seemed to get picked to do things such as that...courage from within allowed me to carefully light the memory candle and read the paragraphs...without pause or hesitation...without tears, at least until I sat back down in my chair. I was proud that I could do that....and through it all I kept that mantra..."Adam would want me to be strong for him"...and I say that often...and it somehow gives me strength from within...then Ted and I had one on one with the leader...and she told me I had strength...after hearing me talk and telling her how I am coping...and seeing and meeting felt purposeful... fulfilling. I'm not alone....

1 comment:

  1. Lori, I'm so touched by your posts daily. And I'm so glad to hear that you brought this picture into your support group.
    It definitely was a really happy night when this photo was taken. We were at Johnny Barile's house on the mountain and most of our HS friends were there. There was this really funny toast that Johnny led the senior class (or anyone else that was there) in as he stood on top of a picnic table. It was hilarious. Everyone cheered. Later, Eggie and I sat in this random golf cart for awhile (where this picture was taken) just talking and laughing about the night and the various characters that were around us.
    I miss him so much and I feel his presence every single day. JT will never be the same to me without him there.
    You're in my thoughts often, LaRizzio family. Love you.
    xo Maggie