Adam...

Adam...
My Beloved Son

Saturday, October 11, 2014

the bravest thing I ever did....was continuing living when I wanted to die....only someone who went through what I did will understand how big that statement is...the immensity and enormity of survival without your child...follows me day in and day out....

Thursday, October 9, 2014

I miss you Adam...I go through highs and lows each day, the pain never leaves me...lately it's been harder...you'd think that with time passing, it would ease the heaviness on my heart, but I find with each day more that places space between us makes me miss you even more...if that is possible.  I miss your laughter most....I just miss YOU...I keep waiting for something special to happen...perhaps some other form of JOY sent my way...a Blessing of a special person for your brother....fulfillment in a role I am involved in...maybe it's ahead...in our future....keep watch over us, the family left here....we all miss you so much...

Saturday, July 26, 2014

God....please help me...I keep praying that I will feel better inside my heart...but this pain I wake with---the pain that lingers heavily on my heart...it hurts so badly...I miss my son...I miss him---
time passes by us and it has been soooo long since I saw him...held him, heard his voice....looked into his bright blue eyes...life will never be as it was...I miss him...I miss us....please God help me continue to look for Faith

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

kindness matters...

....there is nothing nicer than the kindness of others....the soft easing words of someone who cares, simple loving gestures, holding someone's hand, a gentle pat on the shoulder....eyes that connect, with care and compassion...there is nothing more soothing for someone's pain...than kind words...if sufficient words can't be found...just listening becomes an immense deed....anytime someone gives selflessly of themselves...I am certain it does not go unnoticed....pay attention to those who are struggling...sometimes your outreach may be the touch that brings them some well deserved comfort...

Sunday, July 20, 2014

missing you...

you left this world---but your presence remains with us everyday---we see the signs around us...our hearts are open for anything meant for us to capture and cherish...I am lonely in a different way---the hollow that remains unfilled inside my heart-- will someday fill again when I am inside your loving embrace...I miss you every moment of each new day---and the space that grows in distance from the last time I held you----continues to grow....oh how I miss you my sweet son...I pray so often that something will ease this ache...I pray that God sends more strength for Jordan...nothing's been easy---please continue to watch over us...and help us through the pains of missing you, I will love you, always and forever xoxo

Thursday, July 10, 2014

"The reality is that YOU will grieve forever----you will not "get over the loss of a loved one....you will learn to live with it. You will heal....and you will rebuild yourself around the loss you have suffered. You will be whole again but, you will never be the same...Nor would you want to be...Elizabeth Kubler-Ross...her profound words sum up exactly how it is...we are healing...we are not the same...and each thing we accomplish (in the most positive of ways) is astounding to each of us...the three that are left here....to live on without him....an old friend popped in unexpectedly yesterday---overwhelmed in her own grief, a different grief than mine---but her grief consumed her...she asked how I face this monster day in and day out??? The brutal reality of loss...my heart and head often want to drift into that sad and lonely place...just absorb myself inside the streams of tears that trickle down my face...but somehow my Faith kicks in...it's God's love and the signs He sends me that I truly feel...I am surrounded by strong love here...that love helps me heal...I feel purpose...and I feel Adam is with me still...last night we walked on the sandy beach in our bare feet...the lake water warm from a very humid day...the clouds looked heavenly above us...the mist of a hot day steaming beautifully over the water...sunset highlighting God's beauty of the day...Ted always agrees he is with us...walking alongside of us...encouraging us....guiding us....somehow giving us the strength when we ourselves feel weak and vulnerable...and we take nothing for granted...we know how lucky we are to have each other...to have our Faith...our church...our family and friends....life can change in a spin...and we don't want to waste a second of what God is giving us...until He calls us to join Adam..........

Friday, July 4, 2014

As the rest of the world continues to whirl about...in it's normal pattern---and as I still go on with the empty spaces within my heart and soul...I find my Peace...when I am encircled in his arms...there is nowhere else I find the comfort and strength then when I am with my soul mate...I love him more each day...and as we talk--spend many---many moments together...as a couple...we build strength...we've built confidence...and built more love around us...<3