Adam...

Adam...
My Beloved Son

Friday, March 20, 2015

eggfest 6...such a tribute, all I can say is I love you and I am thankful that your beautiful spirits lives on through us xoxoxo

Thursday, March 12, 2015

my best friend thinks there is a book somewhere inside my head that needs to be released....I said I haven't been writing much these days...I do ponder thoughts and inspirations daily in my mind...I try so hard to maintain a positive Spirit....my son's Spirit.  I promised myself and him (silently) that I would always hold his light ahead of me...that I would hold confident in my Faith and stay focused on the good that remains....when I came into this site today I gasped as I realized how long it's been since I've penned my thoughts....but then again, in those many months....what have I done?  I started a jar...a simple mason jar....it's on my kitchen counter filled with little slips of paper on which are jotted down all the little achievements I have been up to...so some, this may be silly or insignificant, but to me, they're monumental...my journey has always been one day at a time....last week I was a volunteer children's reader to the library....sending homemade apple butter to people who needed cheering, promises for more random acts of kindness....each time I do it, it's placed into the jar, each time I add to that jar my heart swells and I want to do more...I have come to learn that no other person will ever understand my heart, the inside of my thoughts or the sadness I live with day to day
but I have Faith that besides God, Ted truly knows and feels the same way as I do....it's his love that keeps me strong, he is the person at the end of a race cheering you in, he's the one sitting in the bleachers of life calling out "you can do this", he, with his silent Grace and deep blue eyes can communicate how proud he is of me by a simple smile...I know this...and with him I can be the best version of myself....

Saturday, October 11, 2014

the bravest thing I ever did....was continuing living when I wanted to die....only someone who went through what I did will understand how big that statement is...the immensity and enormity of survival without your child...follows me day in and day out....

Thursday, October 9, 2014

I miss you Adam...I go through highs and lows each day, the pain never leaves me...lately it's been harder...you'd think that with time passing, it would ease the heaviness on my heart, but I find with each day more that places space between us makes me miss you even more...if that is possible.  I miss your laughter most....I just miss YOU...I keep waiting for something special to happen...perhaps some other form of JOY sent my way...a Blessing of a special person for your brother....fulfillment in a role I am involved in...maybe it's ahead...in our future....keep watch over us, the family left here....we all miss you so much...

Saturday, July 26, 2014

God....please help me...I keep praying that I will feel better inside my heart...but this pain I wake with---the pain that lingers heavily on my heart...it hurts so badly...I miss my son...I miss him---
time passes by us and it has been soooo long since I saw him...held him, heard his voice....looked into his bright blue eyes...life will never be as it was...I miss him...I miss us....please God help me continue to look for Faith

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

kindness matters...

....there is nothing nicer than the kindness of others....the soft easing words of someone who cares, simple loving gestures, holding someone's hand, a gentle pat on the shoulder....eyes that connect, with care and compassion...there is nothing more soothing for someone's pain...than kind words...if sufficient words can't be found...just listening becomes an immense deed....anytime someone gives selflessly of themselves...I am certain it does not go unnoticed....pay attention to those who are struggling...sometimes your outreach may be the touch that brings them some well deserved comfort...

Sunday, July 20, 2014

missing you...

you left this world---but your presence remains with us everyday---we see the signs around us...our hearts are open for anything meant for us to capture and cherish...I am lonely in a different way---the hollow that remains unfilled inside my heart-- will someday fill again when I am inside your loving embrace...I miss you every moment of each new day---and the space that grows in distance from the last time I held you----continues to grow....oh how I miss you my sweet son...I pray so often that something will ease this ache...I pray that God sends more strength for Jordan...nothing's been easy---please continue to watch over us...and help us through the pains of missing you, I will love you, always and forever xoxo