My Beloved Son

Wednesday, June 23, 2010

When your life is filled with the desire to see the holiness in everyday life, something magical happens: Ordinary life becomes extraordinary, and the very process of life begins to nourish your soul....upon reading that and reflecting on last night's walk with made me think deeply upon people in my life who are able to do things like that...people who possess beliefs so strong and Faith so unwavering, that they truly see ordinary life as extraordinary...and it is a rarity. We spoke of Teddy's mom last night and how special she is and always has been...perhaps she's one of those angels on earth and she's part of God's miracle in assisting me then...and now? She was raised by her grandparents...her mother unable to provide care for absent father...and this was 69 yrs. ago...a daughter born with crippling disabilities and a husband who passed from the rages of cancer when she was only 53...never possessing worldly possessions or any form of luck...she has a Faith larger than anyone we know...she's devoted herself to God...and to us...we are what she lived and breathed for...anyone who'd meet her would see her instant smile and happy Spirit and learn of the two grandsons she was Blessed with...look at her now and you see the same lost and empty look you see when you look at me...losing Adam knocked the wind out of she and I...for you see, after handling all of what she can God expect her to handle this one, too? She's left with one grandchild...and I have an only son. The examples she's set for me, for us...we value tremendously...and I see her Faith is still there...but I've never seen her so blue...truly "the Blue Nana"...never had I visualized love that deeply as the love she possessed for Adam and Jordan...when Ted's dad passed...our kids were little...they somehow helped fill the emptiness that his passing created...and Ted's dad made sure he instructed Ann to always rear those grandsons right, and she did, so well with Grace and Love. He knew he was dying...she knew that also and he left us in the most Peaceful fashion, and he passed on sweet memories and more good examples that Teddy and I remember and honor...people who died and were revived sometimes recall "a light" and "being drawn in by a loved one who passed before them"...I pray everyday that it was Teddy's dad that drew Adam to him...and hold steadfast that are are together...I continue to sit with Pop and Adam every single day...I hope I can always observe this ritual...the quiet time of prayer and respect...sitting on Pops stone...thinking of the million things that pass through my mind. Jordan tells me he "sees Adam in a way cooler place"...his body may lie beneath the ground but his Spirit is somewhere extremely special...I want to believe that, too...I want to feel him with think he's around us, missing us...regretful for leaving us in the way that he did...that he sees that we loved him...unbelievably...and I continue to question...will this pain and loss lessen?

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