on me....

this blog is about me...and how I feel differently the past few days...I am (believe it or not) feeling a bit normal again...and thankfully, people close to me have noticed that positive change, too...not that there is any special formula or timed parameters of when someone is supposed to return to what they were after an ordeal like this...and I see it'll never be what it was before...or what I was before...but tonight while talking closely to some very dear friends...things seemed clearer....I was never a mean or bitter person and they knew I couldn't turn ugly and angry...what happened is horrible...I could go on and on and let bitterness and resentment turn me into someone different...but again, Adam wouldn't want that...and neither would I....so I am aware that it's a long journey ahead...and that each day will bring new feelings and emotions....but the focus I have now is to continue living...and continue making sure Ted is okay and that Jordan knows how much he is loved and valued...and that losing Adam doesn't mean we will ever forget about him...we need to continue to talk about him...and keep his awesome memory going...and continue to support his cause....and our goal is to reunite someday....and be together again in eternity...