tears....

March 6th...officially 2 wks. today that Adam has left us...and a hollow remains in my chest....sometimes almost taking my breath away....people tell me I am strong...how is that? How strong am I? Or how strong could any parent be to have lost a child...Adam will always be what I last saw, and last remembered....a handsome young man of 22, piercing blue eyes....bright as crystals, broad smile of perfectly white teeth...perfect golden blonde hair...hair I longed for myself...I would often look at him and think he was beautiful....he was a beautiful person...
Ted and I somehow make it through the days....which have become VERY long....cry intermittantly between reminiscing about his childhood and growing up years...then patiently wait for night to come upon us so we can lie in bed hopeful for sleep and a break in the saddening feelings that consumed us all day....I try and find reason....why? But there is none...me, the unbelievable optimist can find no rhyme or reason...my glass was always half full...since Adam's passing, my glass has fallen over...can I somehow recollect myself...perhaps refill that glass with all the tears that I've shed? I went to your grave every day since you left us...I hope you feel our presense...the sun actually shown brightly today for a change...you fill my every thought...xoxoxo