I am not a special person...I am not "strong". I have simply chosen to not die....I look for strength in others who went through what I did...not that there are many...but I do know some...and somehow they learned to live...breathe....go on....afterall....I have a son left here with me on earth and God would want me to stay strong for him....he still deserves a mom, too...and I have Teddy...he, too deserves love...and Adam would want me to stay strong....he's mourning everyday, I know it...I know he misses us...that he feels my pain and sadness....I am simply the saddest mother at this point....but my thoughts are thankfully clear...and my thought processes are good....and I still am able to feel HOPE....in a situation where there is little....thankfully my FAITH is strong and my FRIENDS are the best and the LOVE I have is endless....and for those who read my blog...I hope it helps others find strength where there is little...if my words help just one person in a similar spot, then my work was effective....my Grammy lost a son when she was in her thirties....his name was Charles and he was 15...he died of a disease named "Bright's Disease", comparable today to Pneumonia...my Dad told me she threw herself on the railroad tracks back then...she had 8 other kids to look after...I guess she somehow found strength to peel herself off and go back home...and rebuild what she could...and she did...and God Bless You Sadie...for your intervention with me, your grand-daughter...Sadie lived to be an old lady in her nineties and she saw some of her other kids pass before her...but I do believe her FAITH in God led her to understand that those children were in Heaven now...