Quest to understand...

Day 1 of blogging....as of Feb. 20, 2010, my life has changed forever as with that date a part of my heart has died. My son, Adam, only 22 yrs. old died on my bathroom floor. Unapparent to me at the time, that his death was related to IV drug use (something that was very recent)...my older son Jordan summoned me and my husband from our sleep...no CPR or meds or heroics had been able to save him...as I became frozen and numb...an incomprehensible thing has affected me and my family....days led into weeks and it is only now that I am beginning to fully understand and accept (sort of) what has really happened and that I don't have him here anymore...so many feelings have been felt by Teddy and me...why? could we have prevented this? why didn't we know? how could this happen to him or our family? Everyone loved Adam, how couldn't you, his personality could "light" up a room, explosive smiles, warm and tender hugs, acceptance to all around him....his warmth was genuine and he was MY son...God I miss him. I have been praying extra hard to see why God took him from me....why do so many others get 2nd chances? What did our family do to deserve this? Yet, my Faith won't be questioned because I do believe that God wouldn't do any of this without greater reason...Hopeful to feel better tomorrow....to continue life....although not as before but with desire to hold onto what is left...and to never forget the love I had for Adam and that I will always remember how he loved me, too....