I tried to watch a documentary about heroin addiction....and I could watch only 1-2 minutes of it before becoming sick to my stomach and turning it off...with an inner violence, I just don't understand it....how can this be cheaper than a 6 pack of beer? And how is this entering our normal little homes...it's a month now....and some people are chatting...I guess more and more unassuming people are dabbling...it's quite scary....I want to be the voice...I want people to look at me and see that there is no discrimination with who this deadly drug chooses...unassuming us...Ted and I represent the very normal stereotype of middle class America...actually...we're in the rare end...the happy couple...you grow up middle class...you marry....make commitments...work hard....pay your dues in life and you're rewarded with long lives fulfilled with a happy retirement and grand kids who you can spoil then return....well, it's not that way....Ted and I hold hands as we walk through the cemetery each day to visit our kid...and we won't get the chance to hold Adam's kids....or hold him anymore....my heart aches still....sometimes more than ever when I think that I may forget his voice...or his hugs...or the softness of his skin....or his smile....or the sound of his laughter....and the pain of watching everyone else's kids grow and marry and become old....so many cards received....words of loss...words to hold onto the memories...you know the card that meant the most? One of Adam's teachers simply wrote....what can I SAY??????...this SUCKS....and he was right... there is not a truer meaning of what we are feeling...and although we set forth to go ahead versus fall behind....that is what we truly feel.....God help us...
......on a end note...watching those clips from You-tube, although extremely disturbing...made me see that Adam was not in that frame or mindset depicted on the video...he had none of those frightening looks...he functioned....no ill reports from his co-workers....no one in the neighborhood told us he looked or appeared odd...was it he was early stage? Don't watch that clip unless you plan on a sleepless night...