......being me...being a nurse again....being a Hospice nurse again...these are questions I am now facing. Can I be "me" again....am I truly "me" without you? Or do I need to rebuild "me"...???
The "me" I was, was a happy person, a lady filled with contentedness...you loved me...you loved that I loved dad so much...you'd be in awe that Dad and I still were in love...and that we had good moral values...and that we did the stuff we did...like picking apples...walking in the woods...going to music festivals and holding hands...you said no one else does that....me, without you equals sadness and tears...me....I was supposed to be a grammy one day....to the little Adams you'd tell me...and that they'd surely be a handful...but I welcomed it! Me...I loved you and everything about you, every hair on your head...every piece of your being....I think back on each night as I'd be winding down to sleep and you'd be the opposite...in the shower...listening to the Grateful dead or old Country....and we'd chat over the water....something always told me inside that you loved me...100 percent...do other moms feel that, too? God, I miss you....and even though days seem to go a bit better....that feeling of loss is still there....I eat....I drive....I perform tasks...I walk the dog...I worship God....but I am sad...utterly sad....I miss my baby so much.................is this what the "me" now will feel from now on? Why????