steps....

And the whirlwind of emotions continues...for each of us here...even Jordan, who is a quiet soul.... tells me of the wickedness of those emotional rides...Ted encourages me always...telling me I "turned a corner" in my progress last night...we avoid going into really crowded places because of the awkwardness it poses...not that we're ashamed or embarrassed...it's simply because when you see people (and everyone in town either knows me or Teddy) they immediately feel the need to say something, and like I mentioned before, it's usually the wrong thing to say and I end up crying...not good in a supermarket...last night was different. A kind older man we know stopped us saying "I am sorry for your loss...and I don't know what else to say"...his sad blue eyes moist with tears...his bottom lip quivered as he spoke...I simply went over and hugged him, it was a good embrace, too. You see, it was his son who helped me to perform CPR on Adam...it was his son who was supportive that night and afterwards...it was his son who told me what a good nurse and mom that I was...and you know...I shared that with him. And after that, we stood for at least ten minutes, in the middle of isle three talking about how nice a young man our son Adam was...and I felt some well-deserved comfort. The next isle found us hugging another newer friend...she called me her hero...hero I am not...a surviving mother is no hero...and I couldn't bring him back...but I suppose hero in her eyes was me "bouncing back" after life's adversities...
My friend Marie is as reflective as me...it's she who validates the things I question...thank God for great friends...so far today's a better day...I have more corners to turn I see and a far journey awaits me...one step at a time....one step at at time......