the bridge...

Some of Adam's friends were Jordan's friends also...and the founder of his notorious nickname happened to be a girl who Jordan was friends with forever, and for a short period of time, Jordan even dated her...so it is she...who thought up the nickname "Egg"....Jen...such a sweet girl, instant likability....easily adapted into any situation....I never stopped loving this girl...
and through high school and beyond into college and now still...she keeps in touch. I could feel her suffer with me during my loss...I knew she looked to Adam as a little brother for awhile...
and it undoubtedly broke her heart to watch me, as a mother and her friend, suffer such a tremendous loss...
she dreamt of me last night...that she and I were in the forest surrounded by tall trees and vast bridges...bridges that spanned immense bodies of water...for some reason unknown, we went to a bonfire within the darkness of the night...the chill of the evening made my decision to leave and go back into town, Jen wanted to ride along in with me...during that ride she listened to my "stories" of Adam and his life, almost like she never really "knew" him. As I poured my heart and soul out to her...we stopped at a bridge...Jen questioned me why I wasn't going across it...I looked at her with tears....telling her it was "here" where Adam had passed....I told her that I often would come this far but lacked true strength to go across and complete my journey...and that I would ride miles out of my way to go back into town...she encouraged me, supported me and I decided to give it a try, making it half-way there and almost turning back, but somehow I found some strength within and ventured further and across that bridge. She told me we prayed and we cried after crossing....thanking God for that might...a milestone made....She sees much through her dreams...as I do in mine. I see so much inner meaning with her dream...I feel like I am at that road block, my life is not as it was...and it saddens me beyond belief...me, formerly unstoppable, is now fearful of crossing any bridge or road block, metaphorically speaking...traveling miles out of my way to "avoid" things I cannot find courage to face...perhaps I do possess that "strength" within to cross "this bridge" that Adam's passing has created...perhaps if I envision Adam at the end of that bridge waiting for me....I could muster up the courage...My heart hurts so much some days....I feel like I can't go any further...but somehow I do...and I feel hopeful through her dreams....and appreciate the kindness and love she bestows....thanks Jen...thanks for helping me cross that bridge...your support will live inside my heart...forever....