Saturday morning....the 8th week....

Dear Adam...
So difficult to believe it's been eight weeks since your passing...seconds...minutes...hours...days...now months have gone by and with it...we continue to weep and reminisce...some days, I merely don't know what to do...I feel so lost without you...Dad and I take time everyday to cry together...our loss is unbelievable and unbearable..and we try to hide it...because...once again...unless you experience this...you cannot understand it....or "us", and we want people to view us as normal....whatever "normal" really is anymore. Today we spent a portion of the morning making breakfast sandwiches...tons of them...and I can imagine you awakening from those homey and delicious smells as you so often did in the past, and devouring them....nice memory....Julie and Earl and the Kovacs set up the concession stand at the JTHS and the money raised from the snacks will go into your scholarship fund...I keep thinking....if I pour myself into causes...it'll help me heal...and I do feel good about doing things like that...because I've always done things like that...tomorrow was supposed to be our day to "ship off"...on a celebratory cruise for our 25th anniversary...of course we cancelled that immediately...there is no cause for celebration now...nothing means much, if anything...I told your Dad today that I am thankful for his love over the past 25 yrs., our love and family.... it was unmatched by anything else...looking back....I can still remember a day he and I spent in Bethlehem, peering through the windows of the Hotel Bethlehem...there was a banquet room set up (probably for another anniversary party), embellished with fine white linens and decorative table settings...he smiled and said, pretty soon we'll be celebrating our silver anniversary day....wouldn't it be nice to be in a place like this...with Adam and Jordan and some of our closest friends...it was a nice dream...now are dreams are comprised of Hopes that we'll see you soon, that we'll be together again...or at least have more signs from God...when I write...my words are sent to you with Hopes that you will always feel your mother's LOVE...and that you feel a comfort from my words...again, with an open heart I go through each day...holding true to Faith and God....that you walk with me...through everyday...I love you more than words can say...I miss you more than my heart can withstand and I bear it all so I can hold firm to knowing that we'll be together again someday...