Renee....

The doorbell's ringing and I hold my breath...it's that initial "not knowing" of whose appearing now to give me support...a new level of difficulty Adam's passing has introduced me to...although once that awkwardness is over...then I'm better...tonight it was my cousin Renee...God knows I have missed her...terribly actually...and once within her loving arms...I feel it...that sense of comfort...that sense of love...and I don't want to push people away...I don't know why I feel like this at times...but I am making strides...after she left, Ted and I jogged around the track...you could see the cold frostiness of your breath on a night like tonight...the chill actually burned in your throat...but running in it made me feel something...alive maybe...
p.s. If you're reading this Renee...I missed you....
p.s.s. Adam....there's not a moment that I don't think about you...always in my heart