Inspire me....

Inspiration...some people view me as inspiring...I'd like to think small pieces of me have inspired others over the years...I've always "listened" when people talked...and through carefulness and concern, you can learn much...sometimes it's simply just listening to their stories and reflecting that causes their own inspirations to surge forth...I'm not quite sure where this inner inspiring sense ever came from...my dad's motto was "I'm the born loser", he'd joke as he'd say it...but he'd say that often, and so did my oldest brother...who took his life 3 yrs. back....and my mom was old fashioned and kept her inner thoughts silent... And I often think...without Hope or inspiration...what else is there? There is no perfection in anyone's life and we all carry crosses at one point in our life...mine is the heaviest, but that bit of inspiration that still glimmers inside my heart and mind sees that others are burdened also. Perhaps not in the same sense as me, but they've got their own burdens, too. Inspiration...led me to seek out friendships...to build self-worth...inspiration...led me to God and my Faith...without Hope or inspiration...where would I see Adam now? My Faith leads me to see him in God's safe haven...in a perfect place...surrounded by beauty and love...his angelic face is smiling in my thoughts about him. Without inspiration...I'd be in bed right now, covers over my head praying for God to take me next...but that's not how it is...believe me, when I am called, it'll be me who runs across clouds to meet Adam again...but for now...perhaps it's up to me to continue to inspire...I let go of being angry at God for this...I let go of being angry at "us" for not knowing Adam's secret...the anger wasn't helping anything, but divine guidance was...a special influence on how we're healing...my heart will always ache...and days like today, my Silver wedding anniversary mean little...more important now is that we cling to each other, Jordan and I and Teddy...that we can somehow inspire each other to keep Faith...and cherish the LOVE we held for Adam for 22 yrs., a love that is unstoppable and will follow us through time...inspirations...that he's Peaceful...and he still see us here and keeps a watchful eye on us from his Heavenly loft above...my dearest Adam, my sleepy angel...