I caught "us" smiling yesterday...it felt odd but good...and it was shared with Teddy... I missed seeing his smile...and I miss Jordan's smiles...because he's not smiling much either...Ted and I joined a bereavement support group yesterday...and I made that initial phone call to set things up. On the other end of the phone was such a compassionate lady, I knew almost instantly I would find comfort there because I felt comfort in her voice. She soothed me with her words...you see, she's like me, she can relate like no one else. God knows people try, but unless you've "joined that club that no one else wants to be a member of", then you will never fully understand the pain of a grieving parent. She told me of her son...her loss...and it was very sad like mine. She assured me that I will hear others stories and they are all in mourning, just like us...they all meet to share "how they get through" the days, weeks and months and on with life...and like I have been saying all along, it's not ever going to be the same life...it can't be, God.... how I wish there was a reset button on life, but there isn't. And all I can hope for is that my son is at Peace...and that the time he had with us was good. And I look back and think he was happy...and realize no one ever gets that chance to do or say all of those things YOU truly need to before a loved one passes...because most times...it's sudden and TOO late. I am a Hospice nurse...and I look to the way I treat my patients...remembering always to help them and their loved ones find that "peace and closure" that they need before they pass....and often times they do...so they are truly the luckier ones...for having had that chance to say "I loved you more than you will ever know...." because knowing you're dying allows you that privilege. Adam didn't know he was dying...but I do think Adam knew he was LOVED...so I will hold onto that...