Last night was taco night in our home...and still the friends drop by...it's something that gives me comfort, as I know I cannot have Adam here with me but having those little pieces of him here a source of support...and I get my weekly evaluation from one of the finest here...Corey tells me each week how he visualizes me...week one....he described me as a "shell"...fragile...hollow...looking back, at least as best as I could, I can see where he got that one...and with each of the next six passing weeks, the shell began to fill from within...week two...still zombie-like...functioning but that was all...no spirit...void of emotion...week three and four...sort of the same with some forced smiles and awkward attempts to normalize...week five and six...tearfully accepting...week seven...much stronger...if I can say that...my fate was dealt to me, there was no chance for me to change the outcome...at times I am even angry...never for long...and those who know me well, know I an not an angry person...I am angry that I didn't have that chance to change all of this and that I am left trying to repair lives...many lives affected by a foolish mistake. Lives are different, mainly ours in this home, but many others, too I see. Ted and I set the table at night, and now there's only three place settings...and each night it breaks my heart...I was trying to finish the thank you notes...and for 22 yrs., I would always end each note with Love, the LaRizzio family, Teddy, Lori, Jordan and Adam...only this time it was different...Adam's name is off that list....and it again broke my heart...challenges of trying not to cry too much or upset anyone elses day...people who haven't experienced LOSS like mine think "it's time to move ahead and get over it"...not that anyone has specifically told me that....but over the years I have witnessed this with others...and it always broke my heart as a mom, daughter, wife...to hear others make those remarks...and I'd think, how can they ever move forward. As a nurse, I meet lots of people...and many I took care of in both Hospice and home care...I would hear their stories of loved ones who passed before them...these gentle little ladies...with sorrowful eyes...still missing their child who passed...their spouse who died...and the loving stories they would share...looking back----I am extremely glad that I took the time to listen to their story...and give them an extra hug...there is nothing to say that "rights" any of this...but just "being there" is what Ted and I feel best about. Old friends dropping in...hugs and support...that's what keeps us going...