Adam...

Adam...
My Beloved Son

Saturday, July 17, 2010

the watch....


my watch stopped...it was the last present Adam gave me on Christmas morning...he was so anxious to give it to me, wrapped in a pretty gift bag...his eyes smiling as he watched me open it and immediately put it on my left wrist...he knew by my expression that I loved it...I needed a new watch and he always paid attention when I said things...and when it was a special occasion, he's know what to buy me...always something that was well-thought and special...just like Adam to do something like that...that's how he treated life...with a special touch...I proudly wore that watch everyday...and when I took the pulses of my patients...it was that watch I used...it was that watch that helped me count the minutes of an expiring patient...it alerted me to when my shift was through...and when I would be seeing him come through the doors, after his shift was completed...the watch now is broken...it stopped working in the wee hours of this morning...and I think about time...and how many hours, weeks and months have whirled by us...and that the watch wasn't used nearly as much...because time wasn't an issue anymore...not like it was. Life took long pauses with Adam's departure...Ted and I talked about that this morning when I realized time had stopped...at least on my watch...and life goes on...as it should for everyone else...and we realized we need to continue to take our time...to deal with the sorrow that ensues...
speaking with kind people validates that taking my own personal time is what I feel better about...not trying to raise my own expectations to meet someone else's expectations of me...I hear others bumble about their minuscule problems and it's as annoying as bees buzzing in the background...I just want to shout "hey...you're issues are little" ..."I lost my heart"...yet I don't...nor will I...but I will take my time...coming back...at my pace...I've tucked that watch away...I think I'll buy another and treasure the one Adam bought me seven months ago...in my jewelry chest...next to the broken charms....

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