Optimism….is neither weak nor naive. It can be tough and pure and earned just as clearly as any brooding existential despair...another inspiring bunch of words...I kept re-reading that one...for I, the eternal optimist had been feeling pretty much defeated over the past four plus months...I sometimes ask those closest to me, to give me an evaluation on what they see...when they "see me"...so far...like I was told in the beginning, that I was a shell, a fragile being for the first portion of my new life...the life without Adam in it...and as days turned into months and they see me now...they tell me I am still the "same Lori"...the look of my being...the kindness and Grace which I took pride in is still there...but to those who knew "old Lori" well...absent is the Joy that once surrounded me. A journey such as mine, is not an easy one...I see where many others fall behind, it can be easily done. This idea and action of "staying strong" is a fierce task...not for the weak of Spirit...
I have few people to really go to...who truly know "our pain"...I guess part of my optismism is that I want to always honor Adam's memory...that I need to live on for those left behind, along with me...in Adams's absence...I need to be a light for those who fall into darkness...perhaps to teach...survival after loss...I keep saying...that my heart is open and it is...I await the path...for which I am to travel next...will you hold my hand...as I find my way?