Yesterday was such a rough day...it's become really unpredictable...what day is going to punch me in the gut harder that the one before...and the unfairness of what we must accept with each new day...even the ways people look at us...or choose not to look at us...those who avoid us know because of the awkwardness they feel or think we're going to feel...my heart was racing by noon yesterday...I am placed into uncomfortable situations now...I realize some are for my own good...while others are just too difficult....I went to the canal at lunchtime and tried to pray...sometimes a quiet moment is what I need most...to recollect myself...my thoughts...my direction...and I gave in...picked up the cell to hear a cheerful voice on the other end...making me feel like it's going to be alright, that unending love...from sources I'd never imagined...
I wonder how strong the Lord thinks I am...so many others tell me they doubt they'd weather the storm that God is leading me through...I have those dark and dismal moments...but I don't know what to do...living now is simply trying to breathe...trying to live on without a vital organ...my damaged heart pumps extra hard to circulate "feelings" through my body...the numbness is still there...faintly... but it still exists...