my week-end was actually a little better...last week was terrible. It was probably a mixture of longing for my Adam and not having Jordan here with us...coupled with the arrival of his tombstone...I know it's never going to be easy...I know the way I feel will always live deeply inside my heart...but I do see I need to stay strong and part of being strong involves a strong support system...without that...any structure would fall apart...and I do feel the support that is holding me up...
no one abandons us...Jordan's recent smiles uplift our days a little more...and thankfully, I have Ted's unconditional love...even when no one else in the whole world knows what I'm feeling inside...all I have to do is look into his blue eyes and I see those same emotions that I am holding inside of me...I used to ask God...quite often...how could I be so Blessed? With him giving me Teddy...my handsome sons who I adored beyond words...and a life of happiness and contentment? I would tell people...often...I am Blessed...and then in February the Blessings were broken? The words that people tell us "heaven needed another angel...or God doesn't give you what you can't handle" doesn't make any sense...unless you're in my situation, they are idle words that don't provide explanation or comfort. What does give me comfort? I do see that being around friends helps immensely...knowing we're not alone...sometimes someone out of the blue will send a note or message...just knowing Adam's not forgotten...and that we, his family are still thought about...