well it finally happened...Jordan opened up and shared feelings with me...this poor soul who lost his brother and his best friend held inside of him so many emotions...I felt a sense of soothing with his words...and the sincerity each word spoken...meant the most. He told me of Adam's love and devotion to me, to us, to being a LaRizzio...things I knew in my heart...but felt oh...so much better hearing from him...our loss, shared and deep...our plan...to support the other...our focus...to remember who Adam was...always...Erica came by...it's been over four months since she's been here...her face is a welcoming one...warm eyes...full of love and feelings...she and a few others feel the awkwardness of being "here" in "Adam's home" without Adam....it isn't right...oddly...I understand. When she, or Hontz or Dunbar did come through here, it felt like they were waiting for Adam to come bounding down the steps...and go off with them...gone now is his laughter...no sounds of heavy footsteps bounding down the stairway...lost is the bellow of his voice...the silly things he'd echo...the emptiness that encompasses us...this house.
Erica said if they don't come by here...it's almost like what happened isn't real...and again, I understand that...because I keep his bedroom door closed most of the time, I avoid going through his things...in the beginning, I'd wake up for a moment and think he was still here and that my nightmare was just that...a nightmare. It's amazing what tricks we can teach a mind...but as hard as it is for those closest to him to come here...I felt such Peace within Erica's embrace...and for a time after she left, I felt that warm and comforting pressure on my upper right back...I know it was Adam and I know he wants me to keep his lifelines going...God Bless Erica for her love to my son...her kindness and her family's admiration to him also...it was she...who he loved...beyond words.