Oh Adam....everyone moves at a different pace...everything I do, I do with thoughts of how I can continue...to feel better...with oncoming days...to always put you in a positive light...and a way of remembering every little fascinating thing about you...for the rest of my life...I met with a psychologist today, someone who comes monthly now to our office, to address the grief needs of the Hospice staff...I poured my heart out to her...and it's she, who specializes in sudden death...sudden grief...stuff like I dealt with...when you left me...nothing I said surprised her...it felt good to talk...to express...to discuss my concerns...and hear from her...that what I am doing and where I am at in this "healing" process...is right on course...that the stuff I did...was exactly what I needed to do...and that I have to accept...that it's going to take time...
but the validation that it continued to prove...was immeasurable. Again, I am reminded of the year of firsts...the first Holidays that pass without you in them...the birthday that will appear and no cheesecake to be enjoyed by you...the dread of Thanksgiving....Christmas and another New Year...she told me I was the one who needed to be easier on "me" and I agree...I am trying...my little steps continue...somedays I felt like I've climbed a mountain in my efforts...the little things that once seemed trivial now are quite larger challenges..but I reach them...the goals...and I pour my heart into everything I do...with Faith and Hope...and each day, I continue to pray for strength and guidance and I feel God sends me friendships as quickly as I pray...God Bless friends and the love they give forth, for without them, I would fall down...