I was angry today...and my heart hurt more than ever...the pressure...the unfathomable discomfort...again we wonder...what were you thinking Adam? What could have possibly possessed you to do what you did...to risk EVERYTHING and loose it all...but you're not here...and it's US who's left without anything...the emptiness...the unanswered questions...the infinite sadness...the longing and hopelessness...life is so precious...and you'd been my gift...I always valued you and so did your dad...there is nothing we wouldn't have done for you...through the years...we'd hear others (thankfully not often), who didn't even like their kids...or who would complain unstoppably about the annoyances their kids had been...you see, we never felt that way...we loved you...we enjoyed you...we welcomed your uniqueness...there are SO many things I am missing...simple things, like the sound of your voice...I miss talking to you...and it pains me beyond comprehension to realize I will never hear your voice again...or your laughter...I miss sitting outdoors with you...laughing at Hazel...I miss watching you...and the way you'd interact with others...I miss watching you sleep...the peaceful breaths you'd take...who is ever ready to part with a piece of themselves? A piece of me...a piece of your father...our love...our creation...we valued you...and I don't want to be angry...yet I am...