recovery....

Dearest Adam...
People have asked me, quite frequently, since you passed...when would I be going back to work...and all along I felt that that was such an odd and random comment...a bit hurtful, too...at least it pained me...at any point until now...to actually even have to think about work...because for the past 12 weeks...work for me has revolved around "recovery"....self recovery...and believe me, there is no one in the world who'd want this job...it's the position that no one applies for...just like the membership Dad and I obtained into the broken heart's club...but we live on...and it's now that I ponder my return...can I return to what I was before you passed. The memories of the last day I worked play vividly in my mind...I remember each visit made...each hand held...each tear shared. That Friday, I worked late because I wanted to settle a patient in for the evening and the joyous and Blessed reunion I helped create with a gentleman and his loving wife...as he returned home from the hospital onto Hospice care set up for him his home...aaahhhh....his wife held me...big, warm embrace...her eyes moist with tears...tears of gratitude that her sweetheart was home with her and a realization that his days were limited...but she'd "take that" because even a few days left...allowed her to spend them together.
And I wonder...will I be able to give of myself as I had in the past...the love I held for my patients was deep and heartfelt. My outer happiness was so immense that even the sadness of times like that allowed me to rebound once I left...and I could focus on the goals I set...for them...and what I could accomplish personally. Being kind to people is easy work...My boss and I would often say we couldn't understand why sometimes others just couldn't "see" what we did. Being kind...or going that extra mile came easy for us Adam. Perhaps it's because of our genuine love of people. For me, I was lucky enough to find my niche in life...you still hadn't found yours...but if only...if only...but you did touch hearts...many hearts...and Dad and I see students and teachers with white rubber wristbands...with red lettering etched with "egg" and the dates of your life's beginning and end...to have touched so many hearts...to have left your imprint on others...that they all would wear your name as a tribute to the "egg" your were...your passing caused many things...eyes to open up about the dangers of drugs...people more aware of bad things happening to a good kid...a nice family...the life span and how it can change in an instant...I hope those who wear your bracelet find strength when they wear it...I hope those who didn't know you...understand the goodness you possessed...and I hope you're guiding me...with each day...as my little angel...my love...forever...