Dear Adam,
I reflect on the days, weeks and months now that have passed since you left us...and joined your grandfather in Heaven...and all that has happened in that short span of time...most of the days and nights initially seemed endless and unchanged...just a continuance of sadness and loss...but it seems as though if anyone had any way after death...to somehow provide support in a Spiritual way, it would have to be you, Adam. Too many things went into play after your passing...and it continues as I type...the friends who still filter through my home...the noises...the laughter...the hugs and kindness...all encompass us because they all loved you, and want to love us, also...I reflect on bereavement and what had been sources of support and strength...and the mourning and the grief we endured...as a family...as a community...the things that helped me most...Faith in God....without that, there would be nothing....Jordan...my loving son...his endless affection and warmth....Ted...the most supportive husband, without his love, I think I would fade into nothingness...friendships...holding me up when I felt like falling over...extended family members...encouragement and belief in us...that we can move into the next day...long walks...times of reflection...purpose...the desire to go on even though sometimes I really didn't know how to...I know you sent angels to my home...and I know you wanted me to keep my heart open...and it always has been...and by keeping an open heart, the good stuff is allowed to permeate through...each day people seem to come out of nowhere with little surprises of encouragement...last night two girls you had been friends with dropped by...such an easy fit, them here with us...they stayed for supper and then more friends passed through...and we made the food you loved...and they loved it, too...again, these little rituals we do are that to remember you...perhaps people who are "stuck" are afraid to face what we do...what we lost...but pushing it all aside and trying to "not talk about it" doesn't work for a family like us...I'm still trying to "figure" out what works each day because each day is very different...I miss you...truly...more than I can fully express...but you can see me...and you can feel it, I know you can...and I pray every day that it's you who'll guide me on...and show me the way...