acceptance?

Dear Adam...
I continue to talk my heart out weekly with my new friend...my grief therapist...the steps I have taken in healing my heart have seemed to be effective... the best they can be...when I reflect on where I am now in contrast to where I started on this journey...the gradual progression can be viewed...acceptance...the final stage of going through grief...and we challenge...can we really "accept" this? I guess it's just something that we must accept...for we cannot change anything...what we think, feel, say or do now does nothing...for those, like me, who hold Spirituality close by their hearts...we hold steadfast that you knew...and you knew how we all cared for you...you knew that you had love all around you...mornings are still the roughest for me...I feel like Lucy from the Adam Sandler movie "50 First Dates"...she had a rare form of amnesia and each morning she had to relearn about the tragic accident...I awake and still feel that sense of loss and loneliness...not that I am "alone"...but without you Adam, I feel an emptiness that was never there before...Acceptance...such a unfair task...to think of all that I as your mom must learn to accept...from the beginning it was accepting that it was you lying lifeless on my floor...it was accepting at that moment that I had literally no idea what had happened and accepting later that you took a drug that wiped any bit of life or love or being from your precious body...accepting that you didn't know what you had gotten yourself into....accepting that we will never be the same family again because without you in our home, the hollow void is like a gaping wound...acceptance...the unfairness of it all...I am thankful that we are learning to cope...and as others told us, TIME helps heal...but acceptance? I think we need a new name for that final stage...