Tuesday, August 17, 2010
I've often thought, I'm nobody. Why would God answer my prayers? But God's not impressed by eloquence; he's impressed by our longing for him...in my whole life, I've never felt so close to God...I know another family, or I should say "know of another family" who lost a son, in the same sudden way we lost ours...and I have "picked up" through some communications we've held, that they lost their Faith and I sit and wonder...when Faith is lost...is there anything else? I sat with my boss yesterday, upon reading the results of my annual evaluation...if words on that paper meant little...the impact of what those numbers meant so much more...in mere words I am told that my work, as a Hospice nurse meant much...that my care and professionalism exceeded expectations...all nice in print...it's wonderful that this piece of paper will follow me and help me attain a nice continuance in my profession...but upon reading it and writing feedback...I truly thought about how much "that job...along with the way I lived my life" day-to-day meant to me...it meant so much to be kind to people...for it could be their last days...it meant so much to make someone smile...for that smile might have been well deserved and long coming...it meant so much to ease some of the heartache and pain these people felt...I can see Adam's death did not damper any of those things I feel...although utterly sad I can no longer feel strength to perform fully as a Hospice nurse, I know I will carry those qualities with me...the ones I brought with me to our little office...and whatever path my life is meant to follow...I will, and I will follow in Faith that God will be there for me...as I am longing for His Eternal guidance.