My Beloved Son

Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Dear Adam,
Lately, I've been talking to you more than least in thoughts and prayers...I just miss you so much. Although time is passing and life has regained some mornings still remain the most difficult time. I have so many things I want to talk with you about, you see, you've always been "that person" I could say anything to...I miss sitting on our deck and just talking about random things...I miss hearing your ideas and thoughts on life...I miss most the silly stories you'd tell me, nothing was off trusted me...with your whole heart...and I fully trusted you right back.
I tried to be "that person" on whom you could depend...even if the world seemed uncertain, it would be me who'd be there for you...forever. Yet it seems like I failed you. I hold so many emotions inside many changes, so much for one poor mom to handle...I want to stay strong so I ask you each day to lead me...and somehow I get through...I remember early February, I was working called me and decided we'd get "Tommies"'d pick it up and we'd sit and talk at the kitchen table for hours that night. I remember discussing the economy...I remember you telling me you were happy at work...I remember putting the coffee on and talking some more...I wish, at that time, I would have known...or saw something...or found a clue, that told me something was awry...but no clues existed...reeling now for six months in a series of whys and what if's that are haunting at relief to my mind fully...I will always live in question of why you didn't talk with me...or why my mind couldn't decipher something was wrong. Or wasn't it? I'm not sure? No one talks about it...but no one speaks ill of you least that's what I'm told. I think when you passed the town stopped breathing for while...sighs of disbelief that someone like you could stop "being"...such a vibrant young man, full of hope and promise...your light extinguished...your voice silenced and all of those who loved you...left behind in the aftermath of an unbelievable occurance.

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