Dear Adam,
I slept horribly last night...tossing and turning, bad dreams...wicked ones actually...and then I awake and face that daily challenge...life.
I trick myself into normalcy by going into my little perfunctory rituals to "get through" the day, and somehow...the days are turning into weeks and months and I am breathing...so many days and nights I wished that I could be where you are. I know that Dad felt like that, too...and probably Jordan but I guess it's not the plan...what is the plan? I ponder still...I wish I knew which path to take. Days are filled with tasks I assign myself...making cakes and soups for those I love...trying to outpour love to those I take care off...all to keep my mind busy and away from overfilling with sorrow...and then I remember..."when you feel down, look up. God is there with you"...and I'll let him lead me along...and He does...