...I've been thinking a lot about stories...your story in life...and my story now...the days pass by like pages turning in a novel...my life, the easy read it once was...is now sad and dismal. I often feel quieter and even more reserved...at times I don't want to tell my story and sometimes when I do, I wonder if the listener tires of hearing that same sadness so I'll often not talk at all...yes, imagine that one Adam...telling your stories in my blog has become a release...and a way I can remember you in the brightest light. Your story now will follow me...there will always be deep sighs by those who hear your name and are saddened by your absence and there'll be others who as we, your family pass by...will sigh again and feel sorrow for the life we live now...your stories of past were magical...my book if written would be penned full of tales about my love of you and Jordan, the fulfillment I received from being your mother...and being your friend. I loved being a part of that circle, the fact that you included me in your happiness...that your friends loved us, too...over the years I've expressed countless times when I would say "I love my life" because of all the joy and happiness our family has shared...and those pages in life are still turning...some days hold better moments than others, much like a book we read...sometimes I skim over the ones that confuse me...my story now will follow me into life becoming an old lady. You used to laugh at that thought, teasingly you'd tell me you'd never change my diaper as I got old...and again, together we'd laugh with smiles so big that our bellies ached...
the book of your life opens each day and brings back memories with it...I never know which chapter will randomly open...yesterday it was a memory of you and the super ball machine...I was eating a salad at a small eatery when a small boy was shaking a super ball machine...and of course, the memory of you as a little boy surrounded me...I saw your little blond head and the urgency you'd feel to put quarters in that machine till you got the special color you insisted upon...well, I happened to have some quarters with me...and that little boy walked away with several super balls yesterday...I miss you Adam...I still haven't a clue why I don't have you anymore...the day you died the book of life closed tightly....the memories I have are dog-eared through and through...someday, I'll muster strength to write a story to you...about the life you shared with us...the family who misses so much...