Dear Adam....
So much has changed here in the last seven months...our activity and movements could be easily compared to slow motion...arms and legs dragging with exaggerated movements...even the way we talked...slower and more quiet...thought processes.....delayed...our minds...consumed with the sadness of missing you. Time doesn't heal...for the ache I feel is still painfully there....a vivid reminder each waking moment that I lost my son...a piece of my heart is gone forever and all the memories and pictures could not even begin to refill the hollow that lives there now...but for those who aren't aware...they'd be surprised about the progress our family has made...because we had to...we either had to move ahead and gain strength or be swallowed into a world where the weak wilt away...I've done new things...like learned how to make pickles...and homemade salsa...I've made some new friends...surprised many by returning to my work...and ended up feeling happier being a nurse for a few hours versus dwelling in my own tears...I learned to be the family barber...okay, I'm still perfecting that skill...and honed my writing skills...I've been reading many books....and leaving my home open to others who need encouragement...as we cry together...thing is...I think you'd be proud of me...of us...of how we know our family must live on...in someway...even though you're not physically with us...honey, I take you with me each day...I know Dad and Jordan do also...as we drive along...as we perform our tasks...as we lie in bed at night, we all think of you and the beauty you gave our lives by having touched them in the unique way you lived and loved...last night, cousin Jen's kids stayed with us for a few hours...and we had so much fun...when they left I reflected on how much I loved that role...being a mom...and how easily it all comes to me...and the joy I feel with those kids around me...that I have so much more to give...I hope my journey keeps kids flourishing around us...I have so much more to give...