Dear Adam...

Yesterday was our church picnic...it was a big day for me...big steps...seeing so many people all at once and trying to feel somewhat normal as I helped in this event...and yes, again I met another goal, the little steps forward continue at my own pace, but these steps are achieved and are solid...I stood at the dessert stand and watched your father scurry about...his commitment apparent...I watched the seriousness in his face, the passion in all he does...I sometimes wonder if anyone else knows how great he is...the man he...over the years has become? A friend mentioned to me...how Ted has aged over the past several months...it seemed his hair went from dark blond to gray overnight...the lines of stress now trace his handsome face...he puts on a good show...but he is so sad inside...we both are. We look around some days...thinking this was all a very horrible dream and that you'll appear...but you don't...when you first passed, it didn't seem real...I would secretly wish I had a stroke...or was in a coma...and that I'd wake up and this had all been a long nightmare...some of your friends told me they pretend you're still here...and that they just haven't seen you in awhile...not accepting the reality is easier they tell me...and I suppose that's why some of your closest friends stay at a distance...each day brings different emotions...not only for me...but for so many others who loved you...even those who barely knew you seem to want to have known you...and even those sweet souls have touched our lives by the caring they've shown....people may enter our lives briefly...momentarily....as perhaps an orchestrated task from above...but it's purposefulness is overwhelming...and those who keep coming back...to make sure we're okay...that helps us through the most difficult of days.....