....the start of football season....the start of Fall, oh how Adam loved the Fall and all it had to offer. Jordan's sadness was apparent...or shall I say more apparent than usual today, I saw he posted a sad note on Adam's face book wall...I feel my loss all of the time, I sometimes wonder if my own self's sadness prevents me from truly seeing how sad the others who loved Adam are? Ted and Jordan went away for a few hours...to watch the game with friends...something the trio of men in my life had done for years...they'd take turns hosting Notre Dame football gatherings to eat and drink and merrily argue over the game...and if you wanted to attend on of these gatherings, you'd need to cheer for the Irish...he brushed tears away this evening...it was extremely difficult for him...for you see, Adam wasn't there...to see the Irish win...to be among those friends...I often ask him dumb questions...awhile back I asked him how many times in a day he thought about Adam...tonight he brought that up...he said Lori, remember when you asked me that question? He told me "I think of him once a day...from the time I open my eyes until they close again at night"...and that one time is endless...he doesn't say much...I guess it's a man's way, to keep things inside...and to refrain from upsetting me...he's the one who calms me...he's my rock...he's hurting inside...I wish I could heal the pain he feels...how selfish I feel...with my mind clearing...I think of how he must struggle through his days...the facade he must put on...walking up and down those halls...the halls his son four years ago had graced...riding on the mowers that cut the football field, the same field we used to watch our sons play football upon and that Adam and Jordan joyfully had stood as Homecoming court members...the rush of memories of the child he loved so much...lost so suddenly...the way Adam visits him at night in his dreams...dreams that are confusing...I pray for Peace...I pray for us...I pray for Adam....may he always know the love we held inside our hearts...and ease his father's pain...yes, tonight I plea for Teddy's Peace...