Dear Adam...
I read somewhere that if you want someone to live on...you have to live part of your life for that person...perhaps by living out some of the dreams that your shortened lifetime didn't allow you to live through...I only wish I had a list of things you'd want me to do...from the beginning of when you passed...each thing I did, I pondered seriously before saying...doing...or agreeing upon, because every decision made was based on what I thought you'd have wanted...tough decisions that no young mother should ever have had to even think about...living through me...little pieces of you...sometimes I still read your Facebook pages and see the letters and poems of people whose lives you touched wrote to you...and I am still amazed...I wonder how you could be gone...taken away...and again I asked your dad...why would God allow this to happen to us? We were such good parents...and Ted looked at me and said...this is where God had no control...we'd be two people he'd never want to see stop being your parents...and when my brother died, my brother-in-law Roger told me something that seemed to be the only thing back then that made any sense at all...that God didn't call my brother....but when he took his own life...God welcomed him anyway...and I know God didn't call to Adam, it was a misuse of the free will we're allowed...but he, too...welcomed you, my son into his gates..and it's difficult...even the easy things we used to do...like going to Brian's graduation party yesterday...the place was filled with laughter...and so many people...it almost overwhelmed me initially...but with Dad holding my hand...we stayed awhile...I see how others look at me, with sad eyes...the mothers who couldn't even imagine for one moment how broken my heart must be...but another day awaits us...and time lies ahead...and Hope to live out some of your dreams...