...the journey back...felt ....okay....I suppose. Thankfully I work for someone who's like a sister towards me...she held my hand and walked with me along my journey thus far...she never strayed...people who see her and I together and the way we'd interact thought we had been friends forever, but truly we only met about 2 yrs. ago. Funny the way it is...how sometimes you meet someone and you feel so comfortable in their presence, it's almost like you're partners of some kindred spirit...and our friendship and affection was instant...and unique, we make a good pair of friends and I love her for all she does...friendships have always been pretty easy for me...thankfully, I had always loved people and valued those surrounding me. Since Adam passed, I've met even more good people...many who come here to sit and talk with me, to share stories of how they enjoyed time with my son. They continue to come back...and I ponder...this is ME, probably at my worst...I wonder if they think they like me now...boy, would they have liked me then...or is it me, simply being really hard on myself here and now? Am I still the same? I look into the mirror and I see the sadness reflect back off my eyes...the smile lines have dissipated and the laughs are seldom heard...what do they see? It's not pity, I know that...for with pity, revisits would not occur...Peacefulness...a calm I offer to them as they mourn, too? Perhaps they miss their friend so intensely that being with me is like being with Adam in some way...one of Adam's friends, a fellow "Hill Rat" as they'd call themselves, has a mom who I barely knew...she was a few years behind me in high school. I remember her always being friendly and pretty...Zach, her son has a phenomenal smile...very much like Adam's.
Adam's passing affected Zach tremendously and his mom wanted to be there for him...and for us. Brenda went out of her way to support my family in any way she could...doing this helped her son, it helped us and in a way...helped herself. She is one of those people, the rare few, who like me, feel best when helping others. She was a vital force of me floating instead of sinking beneath the murky waters of life...she'd listen to me...she would cry endless tears with me...she somehow, put herself into "my shoes"...and it felt so good to be around her...like I mentioned before, some people didn't know "me" before all of this...yet somehow she tells me I am one of her dearest friends...I could easily spend the rest of my life time trying to equate my actions to those done for me by my new dear friend Brenda...and I will try...but I am thanking God big-time, for the miracle of friendships and love that is allowing us to stay afloat...