the ride....

the ride was long...tearfully painful...as we followed behind the ambulance, no flashing lights...no siren...no Hope. Imagine parents who just found their son and the aftermath that followed within that horrific hour? Retelling that night to a close friend, we both sat in tears upon my recount of the ride to the hospital...no one knew I was a nurse at that time...and the thoughtless actions of the man who drove ahead of us...who hadn't even the thoughts of the broken hearted parents left behind...driving in the distance, knowing Hope was was lost when no signals were alerted...I think back upon my life...as a nurse...and the universal kindness each family deserves...and on the state of the loved ones who lost a child...like us...am I wrong to think his coldness was okay? Was it okay for him to treat us like second class citizens? Through all of this, that is the memory that hurts the most...that was the only time that Adam as well as us...had been "thrown under the bus" for you see, this medic put us into an instant category...little did he know the man that Adam was...but reflection on what anyone deserves...no one deserves that...cold words...icy treatment...no sympathy...part of me "blocked" that out for several months, perhaps because it was just another "hurt" added on top of all the other heartaches...there's so much sadness around us...oftentimes, nothing makes sense...random shootings, horrific accidents, innocent people experiencing terrible things... so undeserving...and we all wonder why? And we see horrible people who commit these heinous crimes live on...and we question justice...we question our Faith...we question God...my love and devotion shall not ever be questioned...part of the reason I started this blog was so Adam wouldn't be remembered in a negative light...His light was way too bright to be forgotten...his magnificence will live on through me...someone told me that I although I received endless sorrow with Adam's loss, I also was "gifted" a power...to help others in my shoes now...a gift i didn't ask for...I always felt I did the best I could to help those in need...I truly did..why me, why my lesson...my Adam? He went on to say I know the right things to say to those in our situation...I'll never say the "wrong things"...maybe in time, these "gifts" will be better understood...Adam was my gift...sadly his light no longer shines brightly around us anymore...but my gift to him...will be to never let the memory of Adam's light diminish...I love you Adam...always and forever....