late entry today...my mind goes on and on...I think Adam had the depth of my thoughts and his mind ran as deeply as mine...his passions were heartfelt...and he was the thinker I consider myself...It baffles we when I can't figure something out...sometimes something like remembering the lyrics to a song or the name of someone I met...I'll rack my brains until I figure it out...then fade into the calmness of knowing what it was...in life now...I still rack my brains to find solution...but know there is none...or understand what Adam was feeling...inside his head...did he need me? Why hadn't he come to me? He always talked with me...with openness and sincerity...those who knew him...knew how easy he was to say anything to...he understood life...he understood those who others viewed as "misunderstood"...he gave anyone a fair shake...and inwardly....never judging anyone...in the aftermath of what happened to us...I see no one's judged us...at least in a poor light...I think people who knew us...saw how much we loved him...and Jordan...and that we breathed for those boys...yet it somehow wasn't enough. What is enough? Ted and I sat quietly at his grave earlier today, the intense heat beating down on us...tears intermingle with sweat...heads bowed...prayers abound...I asked God again to send me some Peace...some sign that we'll be okay...we do all that we can to be "okay"...and I know as Ted knows, it'll follow us the rest of our lives...death no longer scares us...we know if we live good and keep our beliefs and Faith...we'll join our son one day...it's odd...the things that show us comfort now. The hug of another...the expression of smiles when someone sees us jump over another hurdle...those Hopes of seeing Adam again one day...envisioning his embrace...We'd willingly give up decades of the lives we have remaining to spend just one more day with him...Lord....give us strength to continue to forge ahead...