Dear Adam...
I went to dinner with your old girlfriend's mom last night...I can only imagine how shocked you would be...but it was a source of comfort. Kayla came to Eggfest, back in March.... and with her was her tearful mother...you see, Paula lost her son Beau just a few months earlier...end of summer...sudden and tragic, just like you. Something pulled us together, to cry together and mourn the losses of our boys...In normal life, you can't keep talking about your love one passed, it's disturbing to the listener...anyone who's lost someone knows from where I speak...but with us, we share the same sorrows and feel the same pains...we cried together...as moms and newly formed friends...things we both learned...we shared...how we're not alone in the ways that we feel...how we'd much rather have people approach us versus not approach us...even if awkardness presents itself, it's better than feeling ignored...how nice hugs feel and no words are needed to convey the love and compassion felt with hugs...the comfort of being able to cry openly with your best friend and realize it's perfectly okay...because as she's crying with you...you know she understands completely...we concluded that we both miss the sound of our son's voices the most...and wish we could have had one more hug...both of us reel in sadness that "we missed something" and that we as loving moms hadn't been able to prevent this horrible tragedy...but through our meeting...we both realized something else...how different we both are...she shared with me a story of someone she knew awhile back who lost a child...and became changed and unstable...remembering that made me reflect on some moms I heard those tales of...and it is scary thought. She felt badly for herself....as though she wasn't grieving enough or sad enough, that she wasn't like that lady she remembers...and she felt guilty when she smiled or had a halfway decent day...and I know i've suppressed smiles and laughs, too...because when you left me Adam, I didn't think I could ever feel a bit of happiness again...but thankfully for moms like Paula and me, we realize the love you and Beau had for us...that your absence wouldn't warrent us to stop life in it's tracks...and seeing each other...eye to eye...we see it's going be okay to smile sometimes...and warmth radiated through us as we embraced...I'm glad I have another new friend...