sparkle....

...sometimes as I walk alone...my mind travels...to memories of my sons...the fulfillment I received being their mom...the sharing of ideas...thoughts...experiences that we went through...each precious moment tucked inside my memory bank. I learned early on that there would always be dishes that needed to be done...and that could wait...there was always going to be piles to dirty clothing to be laundered...and that too, could wait...and I'd look at the angelic little faces of my boys...and off we'd go and gallivant...that's what they'd call running off to do random things...Teddy and I were only kids when we got married...we had so little money, so an excursion for me and the boys would be picnics in the park...a trip to get ice-cream cones...we'd often get together with my girlfriends from work who also had little kids and they'd think it was a party...we did this before play groups became vogue...we spent more time than any human being possibly could imagine in the little five and ten store in town...with dollar bills, I would buy the boys every single variety of laser gun and later ask Teddy...why did I buy those noisy things as they played with them unendingly...and when summer came about...they immediately started on the quest for fireworks...even as very young boys, they would pest for cap guns and snaps...and for Teddy to set off the bigger things that their little heads viewed as spectacular...Their eyes flickered with magic and delight and everything we did excited them...how can that have all been taken away from us...yes, yes, yes...we have memories...but we wanted so many more...we'd earned that...we'd been good people with the best intentions....always....last night Teddy and I went shopping for groceries...and in one of the aisles was a small package of legal fireworks, sparklers, etc. And his eyes locked with mine...tearful memories of a time we treasured. Even last 4th of July, it was still our Adam throwing wickies off into the alley...he was one of those rare people who still remembered his childhood, treasured it and continued to pass it along...to others who accepted. I miss him...