I read another book which was written by a father who lost two sons in tragedy...upon reading his story about his personal losses...I could view him as being very much like Teddy...and me...his book, "When there are No Words" could be seen as a template to those who read it to see what a family such as ours...goes through in this course of sadness. Touched by his compelling recall of his own experience, I Googled him...as I seem to Google everything (Adam would tease me about my Google-habit often)...and I found his site and I wrote to him and within hours, this kind man wrote me back. His words were inspiring and he touched me with the ways he dealt with and accepted the life changes that had been thrust upon him. He sent me a copy of a conference speech he gave...to a group of many bereaved parents...and it all mimicked what I do...and go through...and those things gave some comfort. He also touched upon a topic of personality intensification...as a nurse, we often remark about that with the elderly...how if they are young and miserable...those miserable and crabby traits will intensify further with the aging process and they'll be those "difficult" Grammies and Pappies in the nursing home...shaking their canes at us...and those who are mild and graceful through life, hopefully like I've been...well, we tend to grow old in a nice, graceful manner...and with loss...this same personality intensification can manifest itself...a weak marriage to begin with may fall apart...and those around that couple may view this as the "death" that broke it apart when in actuality, it was weak with cracks and falling apart before hand...I guess when I read that, I knew the "me" I am and the man that Ted is isn't going to change...and that made so much sense to me and gave me hope...that we'll be that couple who survives this...and if more love between us could be fathomable, then it shall be us who takes love to another level...