happy...I miss feeling truly happy...some tell me I will feel this emotion again someday, but this unknowing feeling...the uncertainty of when I will feel it again...and have to remain patient until it presents itself to us...I've never seen Ted so blue...he puts on his pretend face daily...goes into work and is surrounded by faces that smile pleasantly at him...many still don't know what to say...I don't know what to say...he(Adam)made me happy...his joy filled my heart...Jordan's love and laughter filled my soul, but his heart is tattered...the only person in this world right now who understand my pain inside...is Teddy. We share the same pain...the same emotions...this terrible tragedy affected us the most...as we being his parents...imagine losing a child...you can't. Before Adam passed...we never even thought about something like that...we dreamed we'd have our boys forever...that our lives would continue to evolve as we aged...and the love we grew over the years would grow even bigger...even better...and I reflect on what I thought was important before and what is important now...and there have been changes. No longer does other people's negatism mean anything to me...I could easily walk away from negativity that unhappy people project...me...I will continue with patience on my quest to regain happiness...not to bring anyone down with me...but open to allow others to lift me up...
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Going through what we are...these tremendously difficult times...we've learned to always keep the door to our heart unlocked...in fact it's always open so people can walk in and out and see where we are at...people going through loss should always keep their heart's door or window open...or the shade up....at least a bit, so people who love you can see inside and help you through the pain.