...again I awake...to those feelings of dread that seem to continue to trail me...my once favorite movie has become my worst...because my life now parallels it's story...of each day awakening to the same day before... reliving the same bad day over and over again...the frustration of feeling those same saddening feelings and acknowledging the realization of what really happened...and that nothing will ever be the same...however in the movie...as with most romantic comedies...there's a happy ending...that's where the similarities change...because there is no happy ending...in my mind I continue to doubt myself...that I was good enough...that I missed something...that if I knew...that he didn't talk with me...I grew to learn over the course of the past 5 plus months, that my son had helped others immensely...three very different people came to me at three different times to tell me that Adam helped them with taming their demons...his efforts would amaze someone reading this...and writing it all would be too painful...but he did...and they're grateful...and had many of us in shock when it was he who left us...and here I am...still struggling with the aftermath of things I knew nothing about...
my romantic comedy turned into a tragedy...the one thing I can still relate to in that movie though...is the song that plays each morning as his clock radio goes off...and I look at Teddy and think...."I got you babe"...for if not for him, I don't know where I'd be.....