Dear Adam,
Janie told me today that she caught herself saying something that she's always quite frequently said...to another person who was concerned about some issue that was occurring in their life..."it all happens for a reason..." and then she stopped, paused and decided that statement no longer holds truth...when she told me this her eyes welled with tears...no one who knows me...or who knew you understands the reason...and the saddest part is that we'll never know...all I can do is wait...probably another lifetime until I see you again...perhaps that's why it was so difficult for me, the past couple of days, my birthday and the days that led up to it...just another occasion in the year of firsts that I am forced to face. I talked with Lisa today and told her as brutally difficult as it is...it's either push through this difficult struggle or sink into the sadness that surrounds me...it's a much easier choice to succumb to sorrow...and wallowing in my own self-pity, after all, I deserve it, don't I...no, I don't...for I do see that life goes on...and as much as I want it to pause...and yearn for everyone else to see what lives inside my head and heart...that's virtually impossible and improbable...so I muster strength and face the next day that awaits me...I am praying daily for angels to guide me...along this difficult journey...