Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Strengths...I doubted mine...as people around me repeatedly told me how strong I was, I silently doubted them...and inwardly was angry that people thought that of me...did they not see the constant trail of tears??? Or how I mourned continually....my daily rituals...the way I held myself back from life...and then...this past week...it's almost like I've opened my eyes fully to what they've been telling me...eyes open now I see what they saw. Yes, I am weak at times but it's my inner strength that gets me up each day...to greet a new morning...and while I chose to heal quietly...away from movie theaters and Wal-marts, I haven't been hidden, for it you looked hard enough, you'd have found me in the woods...on seemingly endless long walks with Teddy and Hazel...or in church...softly praying and holding close to my Faith...or at bedsides...still....of those who know they are close to dying....strength...a huge part of what makes me strong is the love and support I get from Teddy, for if not his love and guidance, I would be that hopeless being we all know of...that parent who lost a child and lost themselves...it happens, and it's heartbreaking...and it's not their fault, God Bless them. I wish I could personally help each one of them go on again...as best they could...but it takes an army of support and sadly, some of them don't have what I was so fortunate to have had...and with those Blessings counted, I want to someday project a plan to help others who have lost...and give them Hope...the type of Hope I've been alotted...No one misses Adam more than me...no one...but I know he was my biggest fan...he loved me...I never held a doubt and I chose to live for him now...and strengths...Hopefully will pull me through into a purposeful direction, allowing my heart to feel love and contentedness once again.