"All things are difficult before they are easy"...while cleaning tonight I found this little quote, the fortune inside of an cookie I must have saved from God knows when? And as I continued to clean...and think, I thought about what's been easy? Nothing...everything has been an unbelievable challenge...a struggle, a climb up against so much hurt....frustration....facing fears daily. But as I reflect, I see Hope ahead...as I always do, even now in the most dismal of times...last week I met an older lady who seemed taken with me...perhaps hearts like mine connect with others who have similar hearts...or that perhaps sad souls seem to float and meld into the hearts of others who strive for solace...she told me of her mother...and how her brother died an untimely passing...strangely, she didn't realize my loss...I seldom share this anymore...I find it easier not to...unless I'm going to develop a relationship...and so far it's been helping me...but I had to ask her...how did she do it? How did she survive after such a brutal amputation...the loss of a child? And she said with affirmation...she had to...she was quite strong, she knew we needed her still..."me, my dad....she had some grand kids"...and as I drove home that day, I happened to think of my own grandma again...funny thing now is that I think of her more than I ever did...sometimes I'm ashamed of myself for the things I didn't tell her while I had her, or how I neglected to think of her more until now...during my loss...but I drove to the cemetery where she is buried...and I sat and cried....endless tears...and prayed for her to give me strength...and as tasted the salty drops pouring from my eyes...pulling weeds haphazardly away from her stone...I realized that's exactly what she did...she lost 3 kids and a loving husband before she joined them all in Heaven...just as I look back, nothing ever restrained her laughter...the little snort she'd give when she'd tell a silly joke...and when she thought it might have been too off color for me to listen to...it would turn into Pennsylvania Dutch...God I miss her...and oftentimes I do or say things that only a grandchild of hers could say or do...and as I drove home...and saw the reflection of her gravestone in my rear view....I knew she was there for me...and that Peace followed me on my journey home.....