Saturday, July 28, 2012
"although the losses in our lives have defined us....they have not destroyed us"....I really...really miss you xoxo time rolls by---just more time that I haven't seen you---heard your voice...even memories are something I must recite daily---because even those can fade without you being here to remind me
Sunday, July 22, 2012
Dear Adam,
I sit and pray daily---so much I ask God---I listen...for I have learned how to listen in different ways---sometimes there isn't an answer in words but oftentimes it's a message through something else----or something like a lesson learned through another's actions...I look at your pictures, I close my eyes and envision you----I try to imagine you being here---in a physical sense, answering me inside my head...when I'm lucky---you visit me in my dreams...I am thankful that I no longer have nightmares...I do believe you watch over me...and although no one else would or could be capable of understanding that...I know it to be true...being strong is the most difficult thing I have been faced to do...I don't think I could do this without your dad...he loves me through each day onto the next...some are in awe that we love each other so very much---but I somehow see your smiling face in my mind---knowing that you knew all along that the two of us had something unique...I love you Adam---you fill my every thought...living now is different...you loved me, you loved who I was...I'd like to say I haven't changed but I have...sometimes I actually like myself better...I think when you have lost everything...there is nothing more to prove...I let go of a lot of baggage...and the drama that is around me---I merely push aside....please keep watching over us...please keep your little family strong...please keep helping Jordan, he was your biggest fan...always and forever, my sweet and loving son XOXOXOXO
I sit and pray daily---so much I ask God---I listen...for I have learned how to listen in different ways---sometimes there isn't an answer in words but oftentimes it's a message through something else----or something like a lesson learned through another's actions...I look at your pictures, I close my eyes and envision you----I try to imagine you being here---in a physical sense, answering me inside my head...when I'm lucky---you visit me in my dreams...I am thankful that I no longer have nightmares...I do believe you watch over me...and although no one else would or could be capable of understanding that...I know it to be true...being strong is the most difficult thing I have been faced to do...I don't think I could do this without your dad...he loves me through each day onto the next...some are in awe that we love each other so very much---but I somehow see your smiling face in my mind---knowing that you knew all along that the two of us had something unique...I love you Adam---you fill my every thought...living now is different...you loved me, you loved who I was...I'd like to say I haven't changed but I have...sometimes I actually like myself better...I think when you have lost everything...there is nothing more to prove...I let go of a lot of baggage...and the drama that is around me---I merely push aside....please keep watching over us...please keep your little family strong...please keep helping Jordan, he was your biggest fan...always and forever, my sweet and loving son XOXOXOXO
Monday, July 2, 2012
Thunder Road...
I post a lot of Bruce Springsteen songs on facebook...people probably wonder---why---why so many--so often, isn't she sick of "the Boss"...what others probably don't know is that is one of my bridges...to Adam---he and I and his dad always LOVED Bruce---he loved to listen along with us as a child...and went to see him with us in concert 2 summers before he left us...what was left in what remains...is the comfort Ted and I get listening to those songs...the ones Adam also enjoyed so eagerly...
while away for a well needed retreat---Ted and I landed in the middle of nowhere...a simple place surrounded by trees...flowers...animals of nature...the silence of everyday noice replaced with the wonderous sounds of silence---hearts and minds allowed to wander...no need to talk---the beauty encompassing us spoke for us...passing by an old country road twice--Ted said next time we hit that road again---we need to pose by it---because when else do you see a road marked "Thunder Road"...so the 3rd time---we double parked and Ted helped lift me onto the guardrail as I waited for his to snap a shot---then his turn---jumping down---we headed into the car---and heard it on the radio...with Bruce's deep and heartful voice belting our "Thunder Road"...yup---we swallowed hard...sat there in the middle of nowhere with tears streaming down our cheeks....a sign from Adam---I'd day yes---I couldn't make that up and I seriously doubt many would believe this happened, but it did and I believe...I love you Adam...always in my heart....
while away for a well needed retreat---Ted and I landed in the middle of nowhere...a simple place surrounded by trees...flowers...animals of nature...the silence of everyday noice replaced with the wonderous sounds of silence---hearts and minds allowed to wander...no need to talk---the beauty encompassing us spoke for us...passing by an old country road twice--Ted said next time we hit that road again---we need to pose by it---because when else do you see a road marked "Thunder Road"...so the 3rd time---we double parked and Ted helped lift me onto the guardrail as I waited for his to snap a shot---then his turn---jumping down---we headed into the car---and heard it on the radio...with Bruce's deep and heartful voice belting our "Thunder Road"...yup---we swallowed hard...sat there in the middle of nowhere with tears streaming down our cheeks....a sign from Adam---I'd day yes---I couldn't make that up and I seriously doubt many would believe this happened, but it did and I believe...I love you Adam...always in my heart....
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