Dear Adam...
Life is so hard...it's truly a challenge that your passing has put me through...daily. The ups and downs...trying to fit in...trying to make sense...of the senseless...And it seems as though everything I do is difficult...yesterday was really hard on me...even more so than other days...which all seem to be like climbing a mountain. A mom I met was telling me about how her child was projected to die before he hit his teens...and as she so passionately spoke about her love...her child...she looked me square in the eyes and said "I'll bet you or others never thought about arranging a child's funeral...or getting ready to let go of someone so loved"...and fighting back tears and avoiding her gaze reading into my mind...I nodded...and listened and felt that return of the sickening sadness that often overwhelms me...and again, I played the support role I was so accustomed to taking on...and as I left...with my guarded secret safe...I silently fell apart inside the warmth and haven of my car...and I drove on...I thought about you...again for the millionth time...and how I had to let you go...and accept with blind sightedness...the fact that I'll never see you again...my wishfulness that I loved you enough...told you enough...how amazing you were...love, Mom xoxo