..I took a ball to the face tonight...actually trying to break away from my "norm" by playing volleyball with people much better than me...what was I thinking anyway? Me...for the past year...feeling like such a failure...and the constant reminders that reinforce this feeling...again, tonight, approached by someone who hasn't seen me in over a year...is now witnessing me...my altered self. He bear hugged me...and it reminded me of Adam...he remembered me telling him of my sons...and he remembered hearing my sad...torturous story...and he went onto to try and comfort me...telling me he had an addicted brother. And there it was...the reminder...actually that uncomfortable thing I have to talk about and explain...that Adam wasn't an addict...at least not as we...society tend to depict in our minds...Adam was bright and loving...possessing rare innocence and a need for peace...he lived each day trying to calm the uneasy minds of those around him...and as Ted can explain so readily...that even someone who uses drugs once....can succumb to it's horrible affects. Adam wasn't any of that...and I now face a lifetime of correcting other's thoughts...and preserving Adam's memory...and while I was a failure at the sport of volleyball this evening...it just made me realize I'm not good at lots of things...but I still try...