Dear Adam,
It's another year...and the anniversary of your passing is around the bend...dad and I think we've missed most of this past year as our heads had been in a cloud...and as I took the calendar off the wall...I paused and flipped through the months...this calendar started in Dec. 2009...and as I looked at that month I remembered Christmas and New Years with you here beside us...I remembered your smile...your laughs and warm hugs...I flipped another page and it was January...cold months and snow that we shoveled together...then February...everything seemed okay...and then you left us...sudden and shocking...reeling in the unknown...someone told me that people "get caught up" as these seasons pass us...and that we are still thought about and that you are certainly remembered...and I know that you are. Life is different now...I ripped the calendar and said goodbye to 2010...the worst year of my life...I cannot even begin to imagine how life can ever be nearly what it was...as we lay damaged...left behind...but no matter how many times I cry myself to sleep...I know you're not coming back to me and that I'm staying here...sadly, without you. So I guess I need to keep on keeping on and emphasize on what's left...or what lies ahead. All I know is that I miss you so much...and that time helps my head clear...time...it taught me much...like how to contain tears, to hold my tongue and understand others who struggle with "the right things to do or say"...but time is just more space from when I last held you...or heard you say "I love you mom"...but each day lived is another day closer till the time we'll be together again...I love you...always and forever...