Charlie....

....I remember writing months ago, back in late June, that I began corresponding with an author...someone who wrote a book that gave me comfort. His writing made me feel Hopeful that we could continue to live on...even though our son couldn't...today, I opened up my Face book and saw that there was a message from Charlie...and my heart smiled...for a bit...He and his wife would send me a note here and there...and I sent the last one...and never heard back...he's probably bombarded with messages (I told myself when he didn't automatically reply)...he plays a big part in his involvement with the Compassionate Friends...he probably just got time to respond back now I told myself...although those smiles in my heart turned into tears down my cheeks...he didn't respond...because you see...he passed away...this message was from his only son...letting his Face book friends know he was closing down his dad's page...I swallowed hard and had a mixture of emotions...first...feeling really sad for him...that his lovely wife wouldn't have him here...and that his only son is now without his father...unending grief...but then my heart filled as I envisioned him greeting the two boys he lost almost twenty years ago...and in my mind I saw a picture of two handsome teen-age boys greeting him in arms wide open as he made his entrance into Heaven...it was their turn now...to have him back...how torn are we, the bereaved...we either chose to live or allow ourselves to die slowly before it's our time. Shoulders straight...head up...focused on tomorrow...we...those who possess strength...hold onto courage we never even knew we possessed and face the day...his stories made me stronger...and last night I slept soundly and upon awakening this morning...a chill passed over me...a thought that Charlie was still helping me...I don't know why I felt this feeling, an indescribable feeling....but for the past week or two, I felt more strength...and direction...could it be him pulling me into the right direction? If he could...I believe he would...God Bless you Charlie...thank you for sharing direction with me...for showing me that all I felt these months has been normal...and allowing me to feel Hope once again...